Just Good Enough

I was good enough to send tens of thousands of messages to

But not good enough for you to answer my calls when I needed to talk

I was good enough to laugh with, to talk with, to kiss at the end of the night

But not good enough for anyone to know about

I was good enough for “Good morning” and “Good night, Julia”

But not good enough for you to talk through our disagreements

I was good enough to listen to you share intimate details of your childhood

But not good enough for you to make space for me and hold on to me

I was good enough for you to lie to your family so you could come visit

But not good enough for you to respect my emotional and physical boundaries

I was good enough for you to share the abuse your dad endured at the hands of your mom

But not good enough for you to consider my feelings when you talked about dating other women

I was good enough to be the one you text when you discovered a love letter to your daughter from another girl

But not good enough for you to text after you did not like what I had to say when I was honest

I was good enough to get naked, raw, unfiltered, and vulnerable with

But not good enough to share any other space in your life

I was good enough to have sex with and to fill with pieces of you

But not good enough for you to fight for or commit to

I was good enough to share 1000s of photos and screen shots with

But not good enough to ever be in one of those photos alongside you

I was good enough for you to listen to me cry when I missed my mom

But not good enough for you to listen to me cry when you hurt me

I was good enough for you to trust your mental health struggles with

But not good enough to struggle through life with

I was good enough for you to grab my hand when you knew that it would break me

But not good enough for you to hold it and mean it

I was good enough for you to fantasize about and lust over day after day

But not good enough to ever be a part of your future

I was good enough to be a few pages in your book

But not good enough to become my own chapter

I was never going to be enough, because I was already too much

I was never enough, because it was never enough for me…